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Mary

Mary's eyes are striking. They are beautiful - light brown - moving toward hazel. Even more than their beauty though, you notice how quickly they move, and how often. There is nothing Mary misses. She is an observant person, and a quick thinker. Her quickness indicates confidence and strength, a real spunk which has served her well as she has made her living with her family business at fairs and carnivals. Being observant and thinking on her feet are necessary to survival, because in order to prosper at her business, she must do several things at once: count change, blow up balloons, monitor the players so that no one cheats and most importantly - keep the talk coming - easy, friendly chatting that brings in customers and keeps them playing.

Nothing about this warm and confident person would indicate how she has felt not knowing how to read. When asked about her feelings, though, Mary is forthright and eloquent. "It's frustrating to walk around and not know how to read. I thought about it all the time. It's like you're in a different country." This sense of separateness, and her wish to be connected, to be "a part," is something that echoes throughout our conversation, and we revisit it several times as she talks about her challenges and muses over her very busy, very full life.

Mary has been an effective and supportive mother under some very difficult conditions. Her oldest son, Michael, now 11, is diabetic. He was diagnosed many years ago, before Mary began learning to read. One of the most pressing questions I had for Mary was how she handled this complex situation when she couldn't read. Knowing how crucial it is to be to be very precise with insulin and food to keep her son healthy, she confronted the doctors as they gave her information and instructions on food exchanges and giving insulin. She told them, "You went to college to learn this, you can read. I can't. Show me." Certainly, her eyes missed nothing.

Her son is doing quite well. Mary keeps up with new developments by continuing to learn about diabetes: she speaks with the druggist, she calls the doctors, she listens closely to television reports, and she puts it all "in the computer" she says, tapping her head. And now, of course, she can read instructions.

As important as attending to Michael's physical needs is dealing with his emotions over being diabetic. Even as it breaks her heart to see her son try to come to terms with his situation, she is hopeful that there will be a cure, and she makes sure he knows that they are working to keep him healthy so that he will be ready. Mary has always made sure that Michael enjoys himself and has fun. "When we went to birthdays and stuff, I'd cut him a little piece of cake - not much. I didn't want him to feel like he wasn't a part."

Mary's need to be more "a part" is what brought her to the library to learn to read. "The reason I came to the library is because I saw it on TV. And I was tired of saying 'I left my glasses at home - can you read this for me?' We have a library here . . . (It's) time to go. You're in the world. You have to read the signs. The library appealed to her, too, because she did not want to go into a school to learn to read. She pictured being sent to first grade to learn the alphabet.

A quick study, she actually learned the alphabet the day of her first appointment. She has studied with her tutor Chris for two years. When she is asked about how reading has made a difference in her life, she tells us that reading has improved her self-confidence. So much so, in fact, that she has taken on a job with a small manufacturer in addition to her work in her family's business. She sees both reading and her job as two things that make her life very different than it was before, two things that make her more a part. She likes being able to hold herself up to someone else's measure and know that she is doing well. She likes being part of a larger society. Of her family business she mentions "Yeah - you're part of society for just the summer. But what do you do in winter? Watch the leaves fall off the trees?" In contrast, her other position gives her a different sense of things. "You feel a part of society. You got a check coming in. You got a job."

These days, with work, a family and studying there is so much going on that making time for it all is a challenge. And there is certainly no extra time. "You think I have time for myself? I get dressed like that." She snaps her fingers. "The beat of a heart." She smiles, especially with her eyes.